I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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