kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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