i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
