$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The air taste purple.
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