my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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