please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
