I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
