I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
