So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
