it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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