They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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