hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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