I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
