Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize