Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
