Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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