I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
