So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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