home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
