census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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