I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
