Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
