Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
