I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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