Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
