Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
