I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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