Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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