You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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