ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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