The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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