im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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