My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
