I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
