hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
