Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
