so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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