Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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