A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
