Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
