His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
