i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
