I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
