Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
