It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize