Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
