just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
