we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
