If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize