at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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