There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
