i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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