drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
