My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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