sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
