my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
