I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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