Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
