god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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