i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
