Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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