im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
