period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
