we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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