I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize