is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
