new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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